There is an important truth to remember when considering why relationships that obviously do not work last long. Children complicate matters. One person within that relationship will have sacrificed far more to become a parent than the other. Rarely, if ever, do both parents sacrifice equally. There is an inevitability about it that ties the family unit together even if both parents are desperately unhappy.
Two years ago, I was just beginning my life as a separated parent. Only seven months earlier, I had realised that I had nothing except the children and started out as a freelancer. That action was a defining one in the final few months of our marriage. The final push (through the door) came when I met someone who inspired me, captivated me. He quickly became much more than a key player in my escape from an unhappy marriage.
We were really very good together, there was a lot of love there. There still is, but his initial predictions were spot on. He was a catalyst to many, much more significant, changes. Perhaps the most obvious of these has been developing my hobbies, particularly a renewed love of book collecting. The bookcases adorning my living room are such a pleasure to look at. I often find myself just staring at them.
COVID changed the relationship status; lockdown changed me. I realised that I was still living inside a shadow, hoping for some form of domestic bliss with another adult. I don’t think I was entirely honest with him about everything. He never wanted the belts and braces family, he wanted his life to be what he wanted it to be. I have children, my time is not my own. Even my own time is dependent upon the whim of my ex.
However, now, I have found a space where I am happy on my own with the children. I wouldn’t mind a bit of adult company now and then but, in truth, I don’t fancy the pressures that come with a full-on relationship. I want to keep and protect the space I have created for me. I can’t even say if this will indeed change at some point in the future. Right now, I am pleased and content to focus on my own development.